Fire Emblem Drabbles
by Tana Satou
Summary: The most random one-shots of FE. Consists of stupid mentions of a script, Validar as Darth Vader and more. Keep in mind, that I might do some crack ships. Rated T because why not? Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem.
1. I Am Your Frauder

**Disclaimer: How did you come up with that? I'm not the owner of Fire Emblem.**

* * *

Robin rushed into the room where Validar was lurking. "This is it! Our final battle!" Chrom announced. Robin nodded his head with a bored look on his face. "You're one of us, Robin. And no 'destiny' can change that!"

At his sentence, Robin put a hand up as if to stop Chrom from saying anything else, "So...I'm no longer a nerd that reads books all the time?" Robin asked with a derpy expression.

"Dammit Robin, this is no time for jokes! The script told me to say something cool, so I did!" Chrom facepalmed as he threw open the door. Robin and Chrom started to sprimt towards Validar, not bothering with the other Shepherds that were huddling in the corner. The now zombie-like Grimleal started to attack the weak Shepherds.

"I thought your strategy was supposed to work! Seven people just died and we're on Classic!" Chrom scolded. Robin lazily replied. "Mhm..."

They had finally reached Validar.

"Fools, the future cannot be rewritten!" Validar taunted in a grim tone.

"Dude, where's your script?" Robin asked.

"Um, I forgot it...?" Validar sweatdropped and looked at his sleeve where a wall of gibberish characters were written.

"Anyways…" Robin put his hand out in front of him, palm facing Validar. He then fired a beam of lightning at him.

"Why...son? I am your Frauder..." Validar said with a pun on his Japanese name as he dropped to his knees instantaneously.

"You're...my father? DAD!?" Robin dramatically screamed, clutching his head. As the deafening sound continued to lessen their hearing, Chrom yelled in the loudest voice he possibly could.

"GODS, ROBIN! WILL YOU CUT IT OUT!?" Chrom screamed as he covered his ears.

"B-But I killed my dad..." Robin said, wiping nonexistent tears from his eyes. He pulled out his script.

"This wasn't supposed to happen..."

* * *

 **How to break the fourth wall 101 by Tana Satou.**


	2. Pies and Lovebird

**Sumia x Stahl for this one.**

Rewritten chapter, lol. Also, since I'm too lazy to reupload the first drabble to my document manager and edit this in, first drabble is rewritten as well.

* * *

A loud crash resoubded through the castle.

"Sumia, you okay?" asked Stahl. The pegasus knight stood up, brushing nonexistent dirt off her.

"I'm fi- I mean, not really," she said, picking up shards of broken porcelain. "Now someone won't be able to eat, and it's all my fault!" Sumia whined. Stahl extended a hand to Sumia (even though she's standing up) "Don't worry, we'll do something about it. I mean it's not like the castle has a million plates and bowls anyways."

"Ooooh, looks like they're falling in _loooooove,_ " slurred Robin who walked into the room. "Oh wait, I forgot. The developers of this game don't allow it."

"BUT IT WOULD BE PERFECT!" they could hear someone yell.

"Um...Robin, could it still be possible even without supports?" Sumia asked, blushing.

"Apparently not. Screw the developers! This is all because you didn't give him another script!" Robin screamed, running off to his WiiU, crying for some reason.

"Validar's death must've screwed his mind up. Dammit he's our strategist!"

* * *

Robin was watching YlisseTube. "Dad..." he said eating chocolate ice cream.

Gaius ran by and stole the ice cream. "YOU FUCKER! GET BACK HERE! THAT WAS MINE!" Robin swore, chasing Gaius who was casually eating it.

Miriel knocked the ice cream out of Gaius's hands. "Idiot, ice cream doesn't exist in Fire Emblem!"

"Ah!" screamed a nearby maid, ice cream spilled on her outfit. "What is this?"

Robin cast a fire spell at Gaius. The words "Miss" appeared and a shortened 'fail' sound effect was heard when he dodged it. Robin just set the castle on fire. Sirens went off.

"Fire alarms don't exist in Fire Emblem!" Miriel yelled, the alarms disappeared along with the loud alarm sound.

"What was tha-" Sumia was cut off when Stahl held her tightly in a (poor) attempt to protect her.

"Stahl!" Sumia gasped.

"WHY CAN'T THIS HAPPEN!?" the voice from earlier yelled.

Everyone died.

The End.

"NO WAIT! WE CAN'T STOP HERE!" the voice yelled.

Castle Ylisse was forever gone. Chrom's waifu named Maiden was never grieved over due to her irrelevance to the plot. Her only purpose was to birth Lucina. After all of the Sheperds built homes of their own (or got theirs built by others), they settled. Stahl and Sumia were married despite the developers.

Google Chrom needed a new waifu to raise Lucina while he was herding sheep all day. He could not find one and he wasn't smart enough to get a border collie. Naga pitied the now poor royalty and pulled a female version of Robin from a different time. The male one disagreed, saying it was basically marrying him in which he hates homosexual marriages. CHRAM was forever alone, Lucina was raised by the maids instead.

"Sumia, I'm hungry. Can I eat your pegasus?" Stahl asked, his stomach growling at him. "What? No! Don't eat Lovebird **s**!" Stahl's waifu scolded. She threw a rhubarb pie in his face.

"Here, you can eat this!"

* * *

 **The 'Lovebirds' part was to reflect the shipping wars. ChromxFe!MU fans in denial and ChromxSumia fans that don't want to start a war will say the cinematic called 'Lovebirds' was just her pegasus's name. I bolded the 's' because who would name something a PLURAL word? It should be a singular.**


	3. Emmeryn's Trust Fall

**Not really by me. Someone made a comic, and that someone was not me. This one is based off of Chapter 10 where you make the (unimportant) choice of sacrificing Emmeryn or the Fire Emblem.**

 **Goddammit, why do I have a cold in late spring?**

 **Disclaimer: Didn't I already put this in the summary?**

* * *

"That's right, don't give up! There has to be a way!" Robin suggested.

"But how...?" asked Chrom who was lost in deep thought.

"Lol, idk," Robin said. After some time of hard concentration with jeopardy music playing in the far distance, Gangrel had enough.

"YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, NOW I HAVE TO PEE!" Gangrel taunted while dancing as if he was going to explode if he didn't urinate. "I might as well pee on your dear Exalt!"

Chrom stood still, his expression frozen on his face. "You have some weird fetishes."

"May I have your attention please?" Emmeryn said through a convenient loudspeaker. She spoke words of inspiration to all that were listening. Once she ended, she trust-falled off of the cliff.

"Emmeryn out," the sage spoke before colliding with the stone ground.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chrom dramatically screamed.

"Marth" showed up fifteen minutes after the incident, wearing shades and drinking Shitbucks. "Yo," she started, "what did I miss?"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Chrom continued to scream.

LE FIN.


	4. The Waifu Wars

**Oh god, it's terrible when you have a cold during summer. Oh, did I say late spring in the last chapter? Oh, I don't count May as summer. Heh...heh... Inspired by last chapter and "YANDERE SUMIA."** **I'm just going to have F!MU go by 'Reflet.' In this drabble, Lucina isn't born yet. OOC characters and slight self-insert.**

* * *

Chrom was in need of a new waifu. His best friend Robin had hooked up with a genderbended strategist named 'Reflet.' Not only was she potential waifu material, but Robin stole her. Or more like he kind of forced her to hook up with him. "No point in stopping him now," Chrom admitted, sighing to himself.

"Hey Chrom, I'm not married yet. Wanna marry?" asked Sully, coming out of nowhere.

"Yeah no, you have a -1 strength modifier and can't get Galeforce, my daughter will suck," Chrom replied.

"Fuck you," with that, Sully left.

"Milord, Chrom?" Maribelle said from nowhere.

"What?" Chrom asked, rolling his eyes.

"I just wanted to ask you if..."

"If what?"

"I-If..." Maribelle stuttered.

"SAY IT!" Chrom yelled.

"If you think of me as waifu material?"

Chrom didn't even need to think before replying, "No. Lucina's defence will be absolute shit. You're only using me to get closer to Lissa and you stabbed Robin in the back with your _parasol_." Maribelle put on a distressed look.

"How could you think of me as such, I am like Severa! A tsundere scoundrel Everyone likes tsunderes!"

Chrom pointed to the door, "North America doesn't, now out." Maribelle exited.

"Lord Chrom?" asked a high-pitched voice.

"Oh great," Chrom muttered to himself. In came the dancer, wearing her revealing clothes that literally sparkled.

"What do you want, Olivia?"

Olivia felt somehing eerie overcome her. "Do you want a lapdance?!" she asked blushing with her eyes shut tight.

"Well that was pretty straightfoward," the same voice that wanted Sumia x Stahl to happen muttered. The entire palace was overtaken by a completely white screen.

* * *

An image of a dry wasteland appeared. Chrom and Olivia were in the area as a convenient camera zoomed in. The music to "Call Me Maybe" started playing.

"Hey I just met you," Chrom stated.

"AND THIS IS CRAZY!" the camera zoomed out, indicating how loud Chrom screamed.

"But here's our ranking," the letter 'C' appeared at the tip of Chrom's index finger. Olivia stared at the dorky lord with a 'What the hell?' face.

"So have my babies," Chrom ended. Olivia had a confused look on her face.

"D-Don't look at me!" she screamed, suddenly obtaining a Brave Sword and suddenly activating Astra.

* * *

"What in the worlds was that?" Chrom asked. Olivia had her suspicions. She went to the room where the mysterious voice was originating from. "Tana!?" Olivia said in astonishment. There, Tana Satou―the authorーwas sitting in a chair with a laptop, a tissue box near it. She was sneezing every few seconds.

"What was that vision for?!"

"Oh that? It's just one of the comics the fans made. I decided to implement it here since we're talking about Chrom's waifu."

"Who's up next for waifu?" Chrom asked, barging in.

Tana looked at her laptop, "Hmm... Sumia's already married to Stahl... I would say Reflet, but no... Maiden!" she said popping a piece of popcorn (that appeared out of nowhere) into her mouth.

"Milord?" asked a short girl wearing a veil.

"Great," Chrom said, sarcasm in his tone.

"Let's get straight to the heiress," she said emotionlessly, bowing. "Wait, hold up here!" Tana intervened.

"Lucina won't be able to get Galeforce and will only get classes from Chrom. Her stats won't be that bad, though."

"So she's basically Chrom and I? Just worst reclassing options and -1 skill and speed but +1 defence and resistance?" Olivia spoke up. Tana nodded, and dismissed the girl, "Onto Reflet, please."

A bead of sweat rolled down Chrom's forehead.

"Developer-" Tana cut him off. "AUTHOR!" she corrected.

"Well Author Tana, you had Robin force Reflet to hook up with him," he simply said.

"Woah, I did?" the asshole author asked through confusion.

"Well, duh!" Olivia said as-a-matter-of-factly "Re-read what you wrote!"

Tana read her fanfic over again, "Oh yeah, I'm saving that for later!"

"You mean now."

"Indeed."

* * *

Chrom walked up to his best friend, then pushed him against wall, holding him by his collar. "I've been looking for a waifu forever. Our hard-working (not) author has been desperately finding one for me. You stole my last choice!"

Robin maintained his composure. "Bro, do you even love her?" he asked calmly. Chrom thought for a moment, jeopardy music in the background.

"You've taken too long," Robin stated. Tana took her phone out then ran up and pushed Chrom against Robin and snapped a picture of it. "Oooh, I'm so putting this on my Facebook," she said typing in her log-in information then posting it.

"What the hell, Tana?! You don't even use Facebook!" Robin yelled. Tana then randomly hit Robin with a stick, the words "Critical!" appearing.

* * *

 **That was very random. Which is what I like about these. I always feel like updating this because I don't have to stick to one plot. At any point, I can change who is married to who and such. Besides, at night I need to let out my imagination a little bit.**


	5. Fire Emblem If (Or Whatever)

**I don't have anything to say. I said 'Fire Emblem' drabbles. Not just Awakening. You'll see what I'm up to. And I should really be doing my beta and Another Chance, I'm such an asshole.**

* * *

A young woman slowly walked toward a small pond and started to sing. As she sung, her amulet floated. Just as she finished, however, she sensed someone watching her and turned around in slight shock.

"Erm...hello," a boy about her age reluctantly (and awkwardly) greeted.

"Don't startle me like that again, please," she calmly pleaded.

The two started to talk, regardless if they barely even knew eachother. "So what's your name?" asked the boy.

"Aqua."

"Kamui."

Kamui thought about Aqua's name. "It should be Azura. "7.8/10 Too much water" from IGN."

"Well, you're too Japanese," Aqua mocked. "And how do you conclude the name 'Azura' from my katakana?"

It wasn't the best experience for Kamui that day.

* * *

"Kamui, it's Xander, not Marx," a blonde man said.

"Brother, you know it's Marx. How in the world do you get 'Xander' from katakana like that?" Kamui reasoned.

Kamui pointed at Leo, "What the hell was wrong with Leon? Why did they have to change it to Leo?" Leo facepalmed.

"Who exactly are these people that are changing our names?"

"Localisation." At that short statement, Leon's eyes widened in rage and slight fear. "I will not accept this. Localisation takes so long it becomes overdone. Look what they did with Chrom and Sumia's supports, even though I don't like them either way."

"Oh and don't get me started on how they turned Chrom into a competetive asshat," added Kamui.

* * *

"This place makes no sense," complained Kamui. He pointed at Hana.

"Your name is Kazahana. Hana and Kazahana mean different things. And besides, this place is Japanese, so what's the problem? And weebs will pronounce the name wrong."

Kaze folded his arms, "Do you have anything to say about my name, scrub?"

"Why'd they take the 'Suzu' off 'Suzukaze?' Seriously, what was the big deal? And you," he pointed at Rinkah.

"No single h's in Japanese."

* * *

 **As the beginning starts, I feel like I'm writing an FE:If fic. And I really hate how they change it to "Fates." At least the subtitles sound better. "Byakuya Oukoku" and "Anya Oukoku" translate to "White Night Kingdom" and "Black Night Kindom." For us, we have "Birthright" and "Conquest." Sounds better if you ask me.**


	6. Blame Takumi

"No reaction. Was I wrong then? Chrom, this is some torch I'm passing you," a calm voice said to herself. She step on the edge of the cliff-like platform. Her foot nearly sent her plummeting, but fearlessly, she regained her balance. "So be it."

"My god, will you just hurry up?" said an aggravated voice, an unseen force pushed Emmeryn before she could fall herself. The exalt fell to the ground with no final words as Chrom and Lissa stared in horror.

* * *

A silver-haired bowman walked into a bright throne room. "So, what did you do this time, Takumi? Did you kill someone?" asked a tomboyish red-haired girl.

"Yeah, I kind of pushed someone off a cliff," the man known as Takumi responded.

"For god's sake Takumi, did you seriously push Emmeryn?" The so-called "Lobster Lord" stated the obvious. Takumi's facial expression shifted to the face of a sadist who'd just slowly tortured someone in the worst way possible. Rainbow meme background popped up along with capital text in meme font.

"I was the one," the words read. "Who pushed Emmeryn."

* * *

Short as all hell, but I finally updated this. I've been wanting to for a long time, actually.


	7. The Time Warpers

Well yes, Guest from a year ago. I will be doing some pre-Awakening stuff. In fact, I'll just start off with FE6 and FE7! Wow, I really haven't updated in almost a year?

* * *

"Sophia," Roy started, "How old are you?"

"Sixteen. Why?" the sorceress replied.

"Because when my father met you before I was born, you were stuttering like an old woman and looking for Athos. Let alone you met my father and knew who Athos was. Explain, hmm?"

A distressed expression appeared on Sophia's face. "Um...that must have been my grandmother or simply my mother! Hopefully..."

"Hopefully?"

"All right, in eighty years, I use a time portal and go back to where you weren't born and Lord Eliwood was still on his journey!"

"Makes sense to me."

* * *

"Yo," a masked blue-haired swordsman said with a slightly feminine voice. "I travelled all the way back here for your time warping. Let's go even further in time!"

"Wh-Who are...you...?" asked an old Sophia. "Why are...you here...?"

"Remember when Roy the chick magnet talked to you about your magical time warp?"

"Oh... I see... L-Let's go then..."

* * *

An old man walked into the ruins. "Huh, all broken down..." he said glancing at the broken structures.

"...Archsage..." Sophia mumbled in a raspy voice.

"Ah!" the man, Athos, yelled in surprise.

"Oh...so you...aren't the Archsage... I'm sorry..." Sophia began to walk away.

"Wait, what Archsage? I mean, I am the Archsage!"

"I'm sorry...you'll have to get Lord...Eliwood if you want...to talk to me..."

* * *

No clue what I just wrote, but it works!


End file.
